TIPSS 4 Hero Protective Moms- Ask PMA

PMA International has launched a new series called”TIPSS 4 Hero Protective Moms – Ask PMA”. 

 Once a month,  PMA International will share with our members/supporters on our official PMA International Facebook page, commonly asked questions and concerns about family court abuse, domestic abuse and personality disorder issues. Parenting tips for children of all ages whose families have been affected by the above will also be a topic of conversation. 

Emphasis on peer support and drawing from our wide range of experiences on these issues is our goal. PMA International will encourage all our members and supporters to offer their insights and opinions to each situation addressed.

We are confident as this series continues you will gain knowledge, hope and discover the Protective Mother Hero within yourself and each other.

~ The PMA International Team

(We start the TIPSS series in June 2016. You may send your questions in a FB message on our FB site until further notice,link below)

Protective Mothers’ Alliance International Facebook Page

Disclaimer:

TIPSS 4 Hero Protective Moms- ask PMA Does Not Get Involved In Personal Custody Cases and cannot give advice/ legal advice, on personal custody cases, as we are not attorneys.

The information from this series is not intended to serve as legal advice or as a guarantee, warranty or prediction regarding the outcome of any particular legal matter.

If you have a legal problem, seek professional legal counsel.

TIPSS 4 Hero Protective Moms- ask PMA is based on opinions and experiences only and is not meant to serve as a substitute for legal advice from a qualified professional.

For your safety, we strongly suggest you do not use any identifying information about yourself, your minor child or your legal issues.
PMA International reserves the right to edit both submissions and responses for your safety and safety of your minor child.

 

 

A Small Collection from PMA INTL’s “Love Letters to our Children” Campaign

Below is a sample collection of original Protective Mother poems, and poems about motherhood from published authors.
Please join our Love Letters to our children event on facebook and our PMA International word press blog. We value your participation.

Protective Mothers Alliance International Facebook Event:
https://www.facebook.com/events/597929206912196/760200060685109/?notif_t=like
Protective Mothers Alliance International Web site/ blog – Word Press:
https://protectivemothersalliance.wordpress.com/love-letters-to-our-children/

Mother

Your Mother is always with you.
She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and
perfume that she wore.
She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well.
She’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day.
She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a
rainbow. She is Christmas morning.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter.
She’s crystallized in every teardrop.
A mother shows every emotion ………. happiness, sadness, fear,
jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy,
sorrow… and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good
feelings in life. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s
the map you follow with every step you take.
She’s your first love; your first friend, even your first enemy, but
nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space…not
even death!

Author: unknown

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love.
I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” — Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

I miss my daughter so much. I miss her voice, her big brown eyes, her smile. I use to sing her upon request every night You are my sunshine and now that has been robbed from me.
C.N

There are those who say that this is ordinary. But don’t let that fool you. “Mother” will always be the bravest, least ordinary, most difficult and utterly challenging career that anyone ever hopes to lay claim to.
While others might hear, “diaper-changer, food-maker, car-pooler, bottle-washer, laundry-doer, sweat pants-wearer, life-on-hold” wanna be doing anything else woman, the Truth, whether it feels like it some days or not, is that you are in fact a shelter from the storm.
You are a Cape of Good Hope.
You are a warrior who will battle for your children’s hearts, souls, attention, innocence, education and memories.
Go to battle my friends. This is your time.
We will hold strong on either side of you. We will pray over those bottles, through the dark watches of the night, when doubt comes and children break, when adults fail them, when they push and push as hard against us as that day we delivered them into the world we. will. not. be broken.
We may ache and see cracks tear through our hearts, but we will get up again tomorrow and load the clothes and the words that need to be said. Again and again and again.
And when the world tries to claw at them, to break them, to smash the beauty in them, may our walls hold true. May the lessons we’ve told, the truths we’ve lived, the life we’ve spoken into them come back easily, predictably, with wash and repeat ease.
Kingdom business. Jesus work. This shaping of souls. This raising tiny humans.
There are those that say that this is ordinary. Don’t buy that for a second.
Mighty. You are mighty, because you mother.
Mighty/ Lisa-joe Baker

I write this, I am in tears. I want to hug you after all of these years. My heart is still broken, I wish the pain would go away. I miss your sweet smile and your laugh too. I wish you were closer so I could just hug you. I missed your voice change and all the young man stuff. I wanted to be with you through all of growing up but that was taken from me, it has been so rough. I love dearly with all of my heart. Please God let my son know how much he is loved!
L.S

For my boys
By S.L
I love you.. you amazing boys..
I love you to the moon and stars
And beyond
My two brave children
Growing up to fast
With knowledge that exceeds your years
Of injustice that did you wrong
I saw you fight and stand your ground
To be trumpled on.. but you carried on
You are brave Young warroirs
Who said no more
With hearts of gold
I believed you boys.
In the face of the deep dark court
You stood your ground
I know you face the man behind the mask
I love you my children
Its never a life I wanted for you
One day you’ll be older
And your wish of peace in your life
Will come very true.
With love.. Mum

It’s hard
by S.S
It’s hard to bear the pain alone
It’s hard to make your beds
And throw out the scraps of toys
That have no use now you are gone
It’s hard to get up every day
Without your warmth by my side
It’s hard to hear the house so still
Pull out from cupboard one set of clothes
One foot in front of the other
One task followed by the next
Focused on present so I can give you
The richness of mama not destroyed
I thought I would give up without you
I thought I would flee and turn away
Yet holding on greater to hope here am I
A strong woman and mother for you, I pray
Love you now and always

“Mother”- Lita Ford

This is for all the Protective Mothers with empty arms and hurting hearts who are missing their children every second of every day, but who are deeply hurting tonight , in light of the upcoming Holidays. Know that no matter what, you ARE your children’s mother. No one -and certainly no court- can take away this God-given role in your children’s lives. Please know this in your heart. PMA INTL loves and supports you and your precious children, now and forever.
This songs’ story;
“Mother” is based of Lita Ford’s experience with DV By Proxy, something she dealt with firsthand when she went through her divorce from now ex-husband Jim Gillette. Ford’s has two sons, James (16,) and Rocco 12,) who she has not seen since the divorce, and has told Decibel:
“My kids are with their dad. He brainwashed them and took them from me, telling them, ‘Oh, you don’t want to go with Mommy. Mommy’s bad.’ He put the entire weight of the divorce on my kids, which is the worst thing any parent could do to their child. It’s like losing your child to some sort of freak, like in the mall, or somebody hanging out in bushes or at a bus stop. You hear all these horror stories. Only, I know where they are – that’s the only difference.”
She hopes the track and video will reach her sons, but says:
“He won’t let them hear it. He won’t let them have anything to do with me. He won’t let them look at any photographs. It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened in my life. I wrote this song to tell them how much I love them, that I didn’t mean for this to happen and it’s not my fault. I didn’t do this to them – although they think I did.”
Mother – Lita Ford

LOVE LETTERS TO OUR CHILDREN

PMA International’s Mothers/Advocates are working heart-to-heart and hand-to-hand with PMA INTL’s Network Hear Us Now!! ( H.U.N) to educate and communicate the deep love a mother has for her child. Our intention is to help the moms express their deep devoted love for their children, and help strengthen the mother/child bond, moving their relationship forward in a loving and positive way. This page is for protective mothers to express their love for their children.

Look at our beautiful Face Book event wall filled with love! ( link below)

Our collective mother hearts shout out to the heavens and aim straight towards our children’s hearts with beautiful words filled with tenderness, devotion and deep, powerful love.

Create an original letter or poem for your child. If you are not part of this important PMA International event, please join us.

Our blog reaches around the world, all over the internet and has over 50 thousand hits and is growing every day. Your words of love to your child will pass the test of time and remain on the internet, for all to see.

How powerful and sweet is a mothers love! A bond that no person or court can deny. Keep posting moms, keep touching hearts with your powerful words of love. You are all beautiful heroes and PMA INTL loves and supports you and your precious children, always.

Here is an example of a beautiful, and touching letter and poem from one of our protective moms to her precious child;

Letter;
© J. L. D
No parent who loves their child, who wants to be with their child, who isn’t a threat to their child, who never abused their child, nor intentionally harmed them, should have their child ripped from them senselessly, unjustly, and to be then alienated from their child, in some cases, so severely, as though they have died, and to be left with having to beg for any knowledge or glimpse of their child, hoping and waiting on any scraps that *might* be tossed their way.

I am one mother who is exhausted from trying to cope with the knowledge that there are people so evil who carry out such cruel, evil injustice, and from having to implore the takers, the hostage holders, and their cohorts and other connected persons, of my own child, for something, anything, because something, anything, no matter how minuscule, is better than nothing at all. Facing more often than not, the abject rejection, of denial, so often given, with utter silence.

Poem;
I Knew You First – © J. L. D

Before you were born, I knew you
As you grew inside me, my womb held you
You heard my voice, you heard my heart beat
I felt the flutter as you moved, and kicked with your tiny feet

Before you were born, I knew you
I had dreams, hopes, and plans for you
I sang to you, prayed for you, longed for us to meet
You my son, I your mother, forever yours to keep

I knew you first, since before you were born,
And I have loved you, and will, always, forever more.

Please Visit our Love Letters To Our Children Word Press Blog;
https://loveletterstoourchildren.wordpress.com

Please Visit our Love Letters To Our Children page;
https://protectivemothersalliance.wordpress.com/love-letters-to-our-children/

Please also join our “Love Letters To Our Children ongoing Facebook event ( link below)

https://www.facebook.com/events/597929206912196/

Leave a legacy of love for your child.

Common Responses After Losing a Child (for Protective Moms)

A list of common responses/reactions after losing a child in a family court proceeding

I feel it is important to distinguish the loss and being related to family court proceedings because often times the process involves factors that re-traumatize the family and prolong any possibility of stabilizing the family. In essence, there is a distinct type of grief that follows losing a child due to unjust proceedings that villify a parent trying to protect their children.

Mothers who loose their children in family court proceedings often experience (and report):

 * Character assination and/or emotional abuse of the mother (who may be labelled as having “Parental Alienation Syndrome” or “Malicious Mom Syndrome”)

* Minimizing past abuse and its affects/Minimizing the current danger

* Legal proceedings that deny a mother of her legal rights

* Feeling threatened or coerced by court personnel

*Expensive legal or court costs, often resulting in severe financial hardship (I have heard of mothers losing their home and being forced to work several jobs, in which their contact with their children becomes even more limited)

* Re-traumatization

* Inability to protect children combined with valid concerns the children may still be in danger

* Children forcibly removed from the home (a majority of these mothers were primary caregivers)

* Mothers denied contact with children–these children are oftn abruptly, and without warning removed from their homes, their community, their friends and any connection to the mother

* Mothers being compelled into supervised visitation to see children, and may be exposed to other abusers (I have actually heard of a woman who took the bus to supervised visitation, and was stalked by an alleged abuser when leaving the premisis)

* Inability to get help or support for herself. Mothers may have their medical and psychological records subpoened by the court and/or their abuser, in which she degraded or labelled based on the findings and then forced to “prove” she is a fit mother. Mothers may also become isolated because they feel others do not understand their situation. It is common for people to feel overwhelmed hearing these stories and then to be unable to provide support. The financial depletion caused by family court may also limit a woman’s ability to seek help. Not to mention the woman may be so overwhelmed that she does not have the energy to get the help she may need.  

* The abuser manipulating the children, or using them in ways to hurt, intimidate or harass the mother (Ie using children to send messages to the mother, telling the children false information about the mother, threatening to harm the children, threatening to take the children, etc..)

Mothers who loose their children in this way often experience:

* Physical Illness (including but not limited to headaches, ulcers, vomiting, fatigue and exhaustion)

* Anxiety/Panic Attacks

* Depression

* Guilt/Shame/ Self-Blame, particularly around issues that they failed or could not protect their children

* Flashbacks (The court proceedings may trigger memories of abuse, or legitimate fears)

* Binge Eating and/or Lack of Appetite, Nausea

* Insomnia

* Shock (A combination of all these factors, feeling numb, unable to perform daily tasks, feeling as if she is living in a fog, lack of memory/concentration, tremors/trembling, hot flashes etc)

* A surge of emotion/adrenaline

* Hyperventilating

* Post Traumatic Stress

* Avoidance (Especially around areas that remind them of their children. It would be common to even avoid social places and friends)

* Withdrawl

* Anger

* Fear

* Fits of Crying — There are often triggers. (When I lost my child, I remember avoiding the grocery store because I would pass my child’s favorite treats, think of my child, and start to cry. It got to the point where I could not even remember what I wanted in the grocery store because I was so upset.)

* Memory Loss/Concentration Difficulties

THIS DOES NOT MEAN THE MOTHER IS MENTALLY ILL OR UNSTABLE, these are typical responses to the loss of a child in combination with the extreme stress of being involved in family court proceedings that are perceived as unjust, and which a mother has no control over. It takes time to work through the grief and emotions of losing your child, and being involved in family court proceedings–these response may emerge and change as the mother processes what has happened.

I found it helpful to be part of a domestic violence group, hosted by a battered women’s shelter. The group is confidential and does not keep records. I was able to talk with other women and learn tools on how to cope, and rebuild my life. There is hope–Stay stong.

Blessings ~ EJ Perth, PMA State Chapter Leader & PMA Healing & Prayer Network

If you have anything to add to this list, please add a comment. Please keep remain respectful. Any derogatory language will be deleted. Remember PMA is a NO ABUSE ZONE! Thank you for keep it friendly 🙂

 

 

Quotes:

“Unfortunately, courts may apply psychological pressures that keep women tied to their abusers. “Friendly parent” statutes ask courts to assess each parent’s willingness to co-parent when making custody decisions (Zorza, 1992). Despite their reasonable reluctance to co-parent, battered women may end up being labeled “uncooperative,” with an increased risk of losing their children.” –Child Custody and Visitation Decisions in Domestic Violence Cases: Legal Trends, Research Findings, and Recommendations. By Daniel G. Saunders (October 1998). http://new.vawnet.org/category/Main_Doc.php?docid=371

 

“Abusers are smooth talkers who are good at manipulating situations to their liking, she said, even with law enforcement. When officers first respond to a domestic call, the victim is often hysterical while the abuser is calm and cool, and so he sometimes makes a better impression on officers.” –Statistics on domestic violence tell a sobering tale, Crookstone Daily Times.  By Natalie J. Ostgaard, City Editor (10/31/08). http://www.crookstontimes.com/articles/2008/10/31/news/24news4.txt